I genuinely feel like I’m in a perpetual sidestep with failure.
I avoid it.
I definitely don’t look it in the eye.
And if it’s on my heels, I flop like professional American male soccer players. You might’ve seen them before- the ones who throw themselves onto the pitch to gain the advantage of a foul. As if crushed by the injustice of the opposing team.
It’s not a good look.
And honestly, it’s after fuck ups and missteps that I really fail myself. My inner dialogue usually isn’t someone I’d want to be friends with. She’s got the presence of Inspector Javert from Les Mis (in his rigid and relentless pursuit of justice) and Miss Trunchbull from Matilda (the tyrannical headmistress who rules with fear and cruelty.
This prompt certainly took me to places I wasn’t expecting. And I think I could do with some repair work after said fuck ups, even if that only involves telling myself, “I’m sorry for the way I talked to you back there. I’m working on that”.
I'm not certain about valuable, but I can point to the failure which has had the most impact on my life: I failed my audition to Juilliard's drama program. If I'd been accepted, I would have headed from Texas to New York. Because I didn't, I went into the work force and saved to move west, heading for Los Angeles. It really was a case of "turn right, turn left." (I considered RADA, but while my parents were willing to help with Juilliard, they took one look at the international student fees, plus the cost of sending me living in London and said no.)
When I worked for CPS I was assigned to a unit that had a very absent supervisor. I began trusting a worker from another unit & department because she was always available, confident, eager to teach etc.
It backfired in a massive way, but was the catalyst for me learning about emotional entanglement & emotional affairs, professional boundaries, as well as helping me start truly seeing certain things from my past.
My first HR Manger job, I was 27. I shared an assistant with the CEO (it was a small company). The assistant was my age, we had a ton in common, and we hit it off immediately. For the next three years I couldn’t get her to do a damn thing she didn’t want to do because she wouldn’t take me seriously as her boss. We are still friends. It was more than 15 years before I became friends with someone I supervised again, and that was a slow process. That first failure taught me the importance of boundaries at work.
I get that. At the last corporate job, when I moved from being an admin assistant into another position, I had people coming to me for over a year wanting me to handle things I'd previously handled for them. They couldn't let go of the fact I wasn't doing that job any longer. (The other admin who was in a snit about the situation and kept sending people to me didn't help.)
Such a great question. I learned not to waste my time doing things I don’t want to, as I will find a way to spectacularly fail. We went on one of those eat meat to lose weight diets. There were guidelines and if you followed them you were supposed to be able to eat as much as you wanted and lose weight. Loophole heavy cream qualified. Guess what, if you eat bowls and bowls of whipped cream you gain weight. Who knew.
I genuinely feel like I’m in a perpetual sidestep with failure.
I avoid it.
I definitely don’t look it in the eye.
And if it’s on my heels, I flop like professional American male soccer players. You might’ve seen them before- the ones who throw themselves onto the pitch to gain the advantage of a foul. As if crushed by the injustice of the opposing team.
It’s not a good look.
And honestly, it’s after fuck ups and missteps that I really fail myself. My inner dialogue usually isn’t someone I’d want to be friends with. She’s got the presence of Inspector Javert from Les Mis (in his rigid and relentless pursuit of justice) and Miss Trunchbull from Matilda (the tyrannical headmistress who rules with fear and cruelty.
This prompt certainly took me to places I wasn’t expecting. And I think I could do with some repair work after said fuck ups, even if that only involves telling myself, “I’m sorry for the way I talked to you back there. I’m working on that”.
I'm not certain about valuable, but I can point to the failure which has had the most impact on my life: I failed my audition to Juilliard's drama program. If I'd been accepted, I would have headed from Texas to New York. Because I didn't, I went into the work force and saved to move west, heading for Los Angeles. It really was a case of "turn right, turn left." (I considered RADA, but while my parents were willing to help with Juilliard, they took one look at the international student fees, plus the cost of sending me living in London and said no.)
When I worked for CPS I was assigned to a unit that had a very absent supervisor. I began trusting a worker from another unit & department because she was always available, confident, eager to teach etc.
It backfired in a massive way, but was the catalyst for me learning about emotional entanglement & emotional affairs, professional boundaries, as well as helping me start truly seeing certain things from my past.
My first HR Manger job, I was 27. I shared an assistant with the CEO (it was a small company). The assistant was my age, we had a ton in common, and we hit it off immediately. For the next three years I couldn’t get her to do a damn thing she didn’t want to do because she wouldn’t take me seriously as her boss. We are still friends. It was more than 15 years before I became friends with someone I supervised again, and that was a slow process. That first failure taught me the importance of boundaries at work.
I get that. At the last corporate job, when I moved from being an admin assistant into another position, I had people coming to me for over a year wanting me to handle things I'd previously handled for them. They couldn't let go of the fact I wasn't doing that job any longer. (The other admin who was in a snit about the situation and kept sending people to me didn't help.)
It’s hard to be a supervisor.
That’s probably not my MOST valuable failure, but it’s the most
Impactful one I’m willing to discuss. 😆
Such a great question. I learned not to waste my time doing things I don’t want to, as I will find a way to spectacularly fail. We went on one of those eat meat to lose weight diets. There were guidelines and if you followed them you were supposed to be able to eat as much as you wanted and lose weight. Loophole heavy cream qualified. Guess what, if you eat bowls and bowls of whipped cream you gain weight. Who knew.